Something I realized

This week has had a lot of birthdays of people that I know, which got me thinking, "Why?"
"Why were there so many people born this week, of all weeks?"
Then, it hit me.
St. Patrick's Day.

That's all, really.
I think I had something else to say, but I forgot about it.
Maybe it was something about midterms?
Ooooorrr about how much I love my friends?
Whatever.
Doesn't matter.
Alllllllllrighty, then.
I'm just gonna go ahead and end this post now.

Ska

I recently discovered Ska.

Just today, I started listening to Reel Big Fish.

and I started using Chrome.

and Google is going to take over the world.

and I can't wait.

and I say and too much.

and I make dumb blogs too much.

but anyway, Twitter is cool, and so is Skype.

You should get on both.

Chemistry is getting me down

I would be doing well if it weren't for my fucking teacher and his analness about stuff.
I get questions right, but because I don't answer just how he likes it, or if I did it in the wrong order (e.g. Putting something in order from least to most instead of most to least, but still explaining it), or something like that, he takes off full credit, and I end up getting grades like a 5 out of 15 on a quiz.
Just stuff like that.
And I retain no information, even when I do study.
I usually end up only getting a bit of a higher B when I do, and it pisses me off.
And with people, if I try and be friends with someone who's just a total dick to me, no matter how hard I try, they're still a dick to me.
I feel like giving up.

Revelation

School is fun.
And by school, I mean actually being AT SCHOOL with all of my friends.
It's so awesome to know everyone and just have basically a giant extended family.
You know?
Like, all my home dawgs at school are basically just my brothers, and the teachers are all like my aunts and uncles.
It's extraordinary to feel so in place, like you belong somewhere.
That's one of the best feelings in the world.
Which is why people make gangs. To obtain a sense of family that is lacking at home.
Does this mean that I don't have a sense of family at home, or is it something different with my school experience?

Surgery

Today, I had to get 7 teeth removed.
4 were wisdom, and 3 were extra ones that didn't get to grow much, but would have if I didn't have any other teeth. Which would be an awesome thing if nobody brushed their teeth, and would lose them all the time.
But I do, and I don't, so it's not an awesome thing.
I keep having to spit up blood. It tastes kind of good.
I can't stay vertical for more than 10 seconds.
I have a headache.
I have a lot of teethaches.
I can't eat anything more substantial than applesauce, so I'm starving.
This is just generally not a fun experience.
Laying in bed, typing on my laptop....

Buuut w/e.
Peace out, just felt like blagging today.

Weirdness

My father no longer lives with me.
It's a difficult thing for me to grasp.
But, hey, that's how life rolls.

I realized today that the reason that I don't get the grades is because I have no short-term motivation, nor can my family afford to give me any, really. So it pretty much sucks. But I've decided that I will try harder in school, so that I can give my mom and dad money when they need it, and so my kids will be able to go to college without so much hassle. It just bites that I have to be coming into my prime right as a gargantuan financial crisis hits.
Boohoo.

I started listening to more ska recently.
And I "got" Panic!'s two albums.
The first one is way better.
I think that I want to do stuff with music, like maybe produce somebody's album or something. Not for profession or anything, but just for fun, and so I could feel important.
That would be fun.

Something really sad that I was talking to my dad about the other day was when he brought up the topic of his dream job.
He would've loved to be a music producer, and I really wish he got to do that.
But things just didn't go that way for him.
So he didn't get to accomplish his dream.
I really hope that that doesn't happen to me.
I want to do what I want to do.
I know that sounds redundant, but I really hope I'll be able to not regret my decision for a career.
I want to do something ambitious.
I just noticed the other day how un-ambitious my dad's job is.
He works for the government, and hasn't been legitimately promoted in a while.
I want to do something with lots of opportunity.
But whatever, nobody really reads this anyway.


"Who could love me, I am out of my mind..."

Holy Fucking Shit

Oh my God.
Just, oh my God.
I never thought that this would happen in my family.
It's just so weird.
After 20 years.....
My parents are getting separated.
I don't know what to think about this.......
It's so weird.

I don't even know, man.

I'm really stressed out now. I have so much stuff that I do, even my weekends aren't much of a rest for me. I really want/need to do this, too, so that I can go to college. If I don't get a scholarship, I'm pretty much screwed. Agh, I wish I could be a normal teenager. Lazy, inconsiderate, do-nothing chillmonsters. But I can't. I do all this stuff, so I can go to college, get a good job, and have a good rest of my life. I guess it'll pay off in the end.
At least, I sure hope it does.

On the topic of death.

I know this might make some of you worried, but you don't have to.
I'm not a suicide risk.
I just need to get this out.

I honestly would not mind dying now.
Seriously.
I mean, what is there to live for?
I'm not afraid of death.
And I'm not exactly content with my current state.
But, I mean, it's not worth the effort of knocking myself off, it's just that, if I were to die, I wouldn't care.
Death is part of life, there's no avoiding that.
Everyone dies at one point.

So basically, I don't want to die, but death wouldn't be such a bad thing.

-fin

awesomeness

I feel like everything is just falling into place this weekend.
That's a really good change from earlier this week, where it seemed like the world just took a dump on my chest.
I just wanted to share my happiness with youse guys who read this.
Oh, and thanks for the patronage (what little of it that I have).
It means a lot that anybody would read this thing.
mmkay.
see ya.

Grades

I think I'm failing English.
I got a 72 on my first major test and I haven't been doing too well on the quizzes.
I was going to study for this latest quiz, but I got too engrossed in conversation with people on the internet at midnight. So, I think I got like, half of them wrong, even though it was only vocab and I have a pretty good vocabulary.
I think I'm getting a D in Chemistry.
When we do quizzes in Chem., we take a bunch, then the total points you got out of 100 is taken and used as a test grade.
So far, I have a 45 out of 70. Even if I get 100% on the next two quizzes, that still only brings me up to a B, and barely.
I'm tired of only getting only okay grades, but I'm bad at studying and I don't really have the motivation to do so when I need to.
ugh.
I hate mediocrity.

homework

I hate it. I really, really, really hate it.
Especially when all this homework is coupled with my ADD, the computer, volunteering at my church like, every weekend, and wanting to hang out with people.
I need solace.
And time.
And magic.



Any suggestions?

Futility

Right about now, I'm not feeling very confident with my humanity. Everything just seems kind of hopeless and pointless, like the only reason I do anything is just for survival.
For instance, right now, I'm doing all this stuff in high school. But why? So I can get in to a good college. Why get in to a good college? To get a good job afterwards. Why get a good job afterwards? So I can make lots of money and get married and be happy. Then I die. That's pretty much how it is.

I want to break out of this pointless cycle of our lives, to do something more important than any of that stuff. I want to make a difference in the world, one that will change everything forever (in more than just a butterfly effect kind of way).

But, that probably isn't going to happen, so why bother anyway.

Worries

So I was worried that a friend of mine just randomly decided not to ever answer my phone calls ever again.
As it turns out, she was just flooded with school and homework and sleep.

I wish all my worries would turn out as good as this one did.

Mr. Folmer

Ugh.
This guy is kind of cool I guess, but is also kind of a bitch. So far, his classes went by pretty fast, and it wasn't too bad, but from what I've heard, his class is going to be about as exciting as watching paint dry. But I'm not here to bitch about life, so I'll end this one now.


Yay.
I'm so excited that I finally got a blog.



oh, and by the way, loseyourgame.com is a great site. you should hit it up.

First day of skool

Soooooooooooooo.
School.
The inevitable doom of all 5-18 year olds.
Today marks the beginning of my Sophmore year of High School, and I'm not excited.
This year, I get to have Mr. Kenyan, the Honors Chemistry teacher. From what everybody tells me, he is a total hard ass who does so much work so quickly, that it will easily fry any 16-year-old's brain cells. We'll have to do tons of reading and homework assignments, and fill up a 3-inch, 3-ring binder. So yeah, not fun.
More blags about other teachers soon to come.