I am disappointed with myself

So yesterday I got my SAT scores back, and I really didn't do as well as I'd hoped to. This disappoints me a lot. Like, I have these huge dreams and aspirations and I'm really ambitious, but now I feel like I don't have enough to back that with. Before I took it, I always just kinda assumed that I would do well enough, but apparently not. It just sorta sucks to see myself to worse than I want to, and it's not like that score is something I can really work at all that much. I don't even really have grades that good, either, and I was banking on my testing scores to make up for that at least a little. Uuuuuggghhh. I don't even know. Hopefully I can do better next time.

New Blog

I just made a new blog for all the stuff out of my doodling notebooks from middle school.

You should look at it.

It's here.

Sooo yeah.

Pitiful

So I know this is terrible, and a feeble attempt at wit and imagery and deepness and whatnot, but it is my first (and possibly least embarrassing) poem.

I need work, I know, but I wanted to post something. So here it is. Enjoy.

-------------------------

I sit

and wait.

And I ponder

what is to come.

and what has preceded.

Ah! Finally!

That electric-blue beacon

of knowledge or news!

How eager I am to open and read.

The satisfaction is great.

This is what our lives

have come to

in this age.

Pitiful.

-R.J.-

Wooooow

Why do I always do this? I post some crap, then go completely inactive for months, then post some more crap? I should really be more consistent with this thing....
I can't really think of much to say except that life has been pretty radical recently. School starts friggin soon, which I'm hella pumped for and also hella scared for. Also, I thought I'd share this about a movie I watched last night. Originally, it was a text message to none other than Ann Lipscombe, but I liked it so here:
You really should see Charlie Bartlett. It was a fantastic movie which I liken to Juno, in that it's about a teenager's fucked up life and how they deal with it. I highly recommend it to any kid who's either going through high school or who has experienced it at one point in their life. Seriously, check it out.

Thomas!

Today my mom found a turtle in my back yard. He was just chilling out, taking a nap. So, she brought him inside to show us. That poor thing was scared out of his mind, I'm sure, all curled up in his shell like he was. Eventually, he calmed down (I guess) and came out of his miniature home. I felt bad about keeping him inside, though. I carried him outside and put him in Nicholas's little green turtle pool and gave him a rock to climb on. After a few minutes, I assume he got bored and wanted to get out. I put him on the ground and he crawled around for a bit. Then, I brought him back to where we found him in the backyard to let him go back to his daily life. However, I was faced with a bit dilemma. Should I let him go back to his old life in his natural habitat, where he could possibly get eaten by a predatorial animal? Or should I keep him in the totally domesticated hospitality of my own home, which goes against what he had been doing. If I chose the first option, there was a great chance he would get eaten. With the second option, though, comes the burden on my conscience that I would be snatching him from his instinctive life that he was made to live...

I still don't know what the right choice would have been, but I sure hope that the gods favor him....

Excerpts from my notepad

So, I have this little pad of paper thing with a pen where I write down random things that pop into my head. This is some of that stuff. Enjoy. (Be warned, I am a boring person).

• I think it would be cool if there was a novel where the person who progresses the story isn't actually seen in the story; only the consequences of his actions are.
• I want two kittens, one named Biggie, and another named 2Pac. They would be friends.
• Under the Bridge by the Red Hot Chilli Peppers is an awesome song.
• It would be awesome if things in a novel revolved around a highway called Highway 61, in reference to the Bob Dylan song and as a motif of journey.
• A story that begins in a garden where the main character meets different people named Lucy, Angel, Charlie, Cat, O, Miss Emma, Adam, and Brother, each of which gets him in deeper and deeper into crap that he doesn't need (those are each nicknames of different drugs).
• Redemption and loneliness as a main topic of a story.

Just a bunch of crap. See, not that interesting. Oh well. It's been too long since I've updated anyway.

Life can be Awesome

So dawg. Listen up.

Talking to my friend Angelica today made me remember my favorite thing about life in the whole wide world.

You can do whatever the truck you want in it. You can be totally crazy and insane and a total douche, but none of that will matter. Everybody dies, and none of this will matter.

Screw social boundaries. If people think that being random and uncalled for and stupid is odd, or they hate me for it, that's too bad for them. I'm having so much fun in my life, and nobody's going to stop me. No matter what I've done, or what I will do, I will be doing what I want, on my terms. I will always find fun and happiness in my life, even if I fail out of school and can't find a job ever. That relates back to one of my previous posts where I said I'd always have a fallback.

Another thing, regardless of whether or not I'm having fun, I will always have served some sort of a purpose. If that purpose is for me to be a target for hatred or mockery, then so be it. I did something with my life. I had fun while doing it. 

People probably think I'm super obnoxious, and a dumb piece of crap. Some think I deserve to die. I DON'T CARE. I'm leaving my legacy. My story, for future generations. They will learn from my mistakes, hopefully.

To everyone who dislikes me, though, I have this to say: have fun with that. Go ahead and dislike me. I'll always have myself.

I'm not sure why anybody who dislikes me would be reading this, but that's beside the point.

Okay. Wow. That was a lot. Sorry for the disconcerted nature of that whole... rant? shebang? exposition? harangue? (that's a pretentious word if I ever saw one)

Anyway, tl;dr, live life to the fullest and don't even care what everybody thinks. they can suck if they want to.

Also, to all my readers (both of you), Thank You. I'm glad somebody cares a little bit.

Just wondering...

Is hatred of oneself mandatory with hindsight, or do I just suck or something...?

I hope I can handle this quarter. I really want to do the musical, Disco Inferno, but I need to do driver's ed, homework, service team with my church, get a job, manage my social life, and have a little time for myself. Also, the 3rd quarter of school is always the worst, and this is my sophmore year, so it rrrreeeeeaaaaalllllyyyy sucks. But hey, on the bright side (or not so bright side), we're studying Poe in English right now. I love his writing. It's so bawesome. So yeah. This is one of those posts where I only had one real idea going into it. I just lost the game. Uuuuuuhhhhh, you should look up Livelavalive on Youtube, his stuff is awesome. I wish I could meet him. Oooh, I just got a FriendFeed account. It's this cool social networking thing that's pretty rad, so you should add me. I'm deliafcipe on there, which is basically my main internet handle right now. That, and sometimes xxn0hopexx, but that's a bit old and I don't like it as much. Aight, peace ninjas.

Reassuring Thoughts

You know, something that I realized the other day while pondering my future, is that no matter what happens in my life, no matter how low I sink or how badly things turn out, I will still have at least two options of what I can do with my life.
I could either:

A. Join the Military. They'll accept pretty much anyone, as long as they're in decent shape and can do basic soldier duties. I think that I'd definitely be able to get in, even if I flunk out of high-school/college and never finish school, and I'd still pass the requirements. Plus, you get paid to do it, and it looks great on a job resume! This would be my main choice, or I could...

B. Turn to a life of Crime. This isn't even a joke. I believe that I'm intelligent enough to be in the crime business, AND I have family in the mafia who I could always probably join. I wouldn't mind all the bad stuff either, because I wouldn't really have anywhere else to go/anything else to do. Even if I got caught and jailed, it would totally be worth it because I would have been desperate enough to get into these circumstances! Oh, finally, being a Crime lord or something, maybe a vigilante, would totally be a blast, and worth the consequences.

So yeah, basically that's how I roll. Or will roll, possibly.

BYE GUYZE!