On the topic of death.

I know this might make some of you worried, but you don't have to.
I'm not a suicide risk.
I just need to get this out.

I honestly would not mind dying now.
Seriously.
I mean, what is there to live for?
I'm not afraid of death.
And I'm not exactly content with my current state.
But, I mean, it's not worth the effort of knocking myself off, it's just that, if I were to die, I wouldn't care.
Death is part of life, there's no avoiding that.
Everyone dies at one point.

So basically, I don't want to die, but death wouldn't be such a bad thing.

-fin

awesomeness

I feel like everything is just falling into place this weekend.
That's a really good change from earlier this week, where it seemed like the world just took a dump on my chest.
I just wanted to share my happiness with youse guys who read this.
Oh, and thanks for the patronage (what little of it that I have).
It means a lot that anybody would read this thing.
mmkay.
see ya.

Grades

I think I'm failing English.
I got a 72 on my first major test and I haven't been doing too well on the quizzes.
I was going to study for this latest quiz, but I got too engrossed in conversation with people on the internet at midnight. So, I think I got like, half of them wrong, even though it was only vocab and I have a pretty good vocabulary.
I think I'm getting a D in Chemistry.
When we do quizzes in Chem., we take a bunch, then the total points you got out of 100 is taken and used as a test grade.
So far, I have a 45 out of 70. Even if I get 100% on the next two quizzes, that still only brings me up to a B, and barely.
I'm tired of only getting only okay grades, but I'm bad at studying and I don't really have the motivation to do so when I need to.
ugh.
I hate mediocrity.

homework

I hate it. I really, really, really hate it.
Especially when all this homework is coupled with my ADD, the computer, volunteering at my church like, every weekend, and wanting to hang out with people.
I need solace.
And time.
And magic.



Any suggestions?

Futility

Right about now, I'm not feeling very confident with my humanity. Everything just seems kind of hopeless and pointless, like the only reason I do anything is just for survival.
For instance, right now, I'm doing all this stuff in high school. But why? So I can get in to a good college. Why get in to a good college? To get a good job afterwards. Why get a good job afterwards? So I can make lots of money and get married and be happy. Then I die. That's pretty much how it is.

I want to break out of this pointless cycle of our lives, to do something more important than any of that stuff. I want to make a difference in the world, one that will change everything forever (in more than just a butterfly effect kind of way).

But, that probably isn't going to happen, so why bother anyway.